Life as a med intern and bachelor - EP6 - Cure for the b***h

photocredit layoutsparks.com

No folks, you haven't read my title wrong....I don't plan to do a write-up on mushrooms from the netherworld anytime soon.

Perhaps all of you have had atleast one of these in your workplace. In fact, I may even go further to say, any workplace would be incomplete without one of these despicable characters; just like every comic book has a villain.

A few characteristics are worthy of note:

The workplace b***h for some inexplicable reason, happens to be present in the very department you work in.

He/she somehow happens to notice any minor goof-up that you apparently thought was made in utmost secrecy.

He/she is a creative genius....remember that small goof-up we just talked about earlier? Apparently, the effects from that goof-up were equivalent to a nuclear bomb blowing up in your backyard...Kudos to the guy who said that imagination and innovation go hand-in-hand...Wait a second, I think it was me; I kick myself in disgust.

Another characteristic of this creature , who I will henceforth be calling "it" (definitely not human) is its ability to watch your every move with utmost diligence...It also possesses some sort of telepathic ability; the boss is never too far when it's around.

It somehow manages to portray itself as the victim of one of your dastardly diabolical schemes which you have no idea of in the first place and strangely expects you to soften your stance towards it.

A more sophisticated subspecies exists in med school, I've come across quite a few of them during my rotations.

Surely , all of you must be thinking , "Why tell me everything that I already know! Just tell me how to get rid of it!"

Allow me to let you in on "The cure for the b***h" , a sure shot cure for all those poor folk who've been victims of the horrendous acts perpetrated by these beings....

1. Pretend they don't exist; while this may initially lead to an escalation of their atrocities, they get bored quite easily - they have the attention span of a goldfish.
2. Practice working in stealth mode; the less they see, the less they know, less damage control. You may want to take some lessons in speed from Flash Gordon as well.
3. Contemplate purchasing a dartboard, place their picture on it and take a few shots...leave it in plain view...
4. Confront them and tell them that you're in reality a werewolf that preys on b***h blood.
5. Look for a dealer in adamantium exoskeletons.
If all fails, contact the terminator. I'll be back!

The Decision : A misadventure

LIFE IS A RACE IF U DON'T RUN FAST U WILL BE LIKE A BROKEN UNDA (hindi for egg)! - This statement was made by a certain professor Viru "Virus" Shahastrabuddhe in a Movie that many of us learned to love...

This statement isn't without its flaws though; for one,an egg, being an inanimate object, doesn't run; infact, running may be the exact force required to break this egg...now that would leave quite a mess wouldn't it?

Photocredit : selfempoweringtips.com

So let's leave the eggs in the tray and touch another topic - The Rat Race... What's this obsession with man to compare himself to animals if he considers himself to be far superior to them? But lets leave the criticism for another day, shall we?
Having finished med school, it was imperative to do one of the two options I had in front of me :

1.Get a job and join the mainstream.
2.Take a year off and prepare for what we call entrance examinations to do my masters(Where a large number of candidates compete for a miniscule number of available posts)

It is at this point when, walking along the beach at Panambur (scenic spot in Mangalore) trying to come to a decision, that I stumble on this bottle and you know the rest - this genie comes out and grants me 3 wishes. Straight out of the Arabian Nights ,you think? Well, it would be, but the ending was sort of different from this one...So if you haven't nodded off to dreamland yet, read on :

I decided that I'd use the help of my new found genie to help me make a choice...

Photocredit people.tribe.net

Scenario 1:
I'm a Resident at a hospital in the coastal state of Kerala, God's own country...Life's pretty neat, I've got my own room, and I have fish fried in coconut oil with rice, gravy and mango pickles almost daily, lots of beautiful nurses to flirt around with ; you know, the works. My tranquil routine is interspersed with people who decide to pay me a visit just because "the hospital was open and they thought they'd get their blood pressure checked", the guy who woke me up in the middle of the night for an emergency which turned out to be an itchy groin, the ladies who, leaving all the other residents with time on their hands decide that they should get into labor the day I'm on duty and the senior medicos who think I should show more "enthusiasm". Whaaaaat?!?! Scene 1 ...CUT!

Scenario 2:
After a whole year of cramming up every sentence of every major medical textbook in my head, I qualify for a position to pursue my masters in a relatively good hospital.I pace through the wards like the king of kings ,stethoscope dangling like the snake around Lord Shiva.
The patients,my loyal subjects, love and respect me.Some of them at times ,bring me offerings to receive my blessings while my royal council look on. My rule is constantly under threat and as such I have to constantly monitor my subjects; failure to do so earns the wrath of my superiors, who then make me undergo penance, a few hundred pages of reading would suffice.In the end it would all be for the best , people tell me....Fade to black...CUT!

Having lived both lives and having used two of my three wishes, the genie asked, "What's your final wish,Master?"
"I wish......Freedom!!!" ....Guess what happened next.....?

The genie disappeared!!!!!
Guess I should've been more specific!