Confessions of a Storyteller

Photocredit : exedes.com

I'm a really poor storyteller..I really am.

Its not that I hate stories or anything, Its just that I've been endowed with this uncanny ability to suck the life out of anything that is even remotely interesting and turn it into a piece of boring crap...

I don't know how it all began, probably might have stemmed from the intrinsic hatred that I had within me for great story tellers, egoistic attention seekers the lot!
After all,what other purpose could these people have in life? Certainly nothing, other than competing with each other to get people to listen to them and showing off to the other the size of their ever - so - increasing fan base.

Initially, I too was enchanted by these beings...Oh,if only i were able to join this elite class!And so, I did try... with the following consequences..

- Apparently my recollection of "Pirates of the Caribbean" was akin to "Tragedy of Macbeth"
- Returning from one of the blockbuster films "avatar" , I managed to keep people from watching the movie.
- almost got involved in a lawsuit for causing the director of an award-winning film to incur great losses.
- got contacted to write scripts for Ekta Kapoor teleseries ( a new low in my life ; watch her shows if you dont believe me)
- Apparently a hospital thought I would be a good replacement until they received their monthly supplies of anaesthetics.(the reason your chief surgeon fell unconscious during surgery was exhaustion and not my narration of the previous day's events)
- as a more humane form of euthanesia ( this i made up )

People who face similar experiences in their lives are free to write about their experiences in a similar fashion on a blog of their own...I need my daily number of hits...(who'd visit if my whole page were filled with gobbledygook!)

Disclaimer: For those visiting for the first time...This piece is purely fiction and any resemblance to any person dead or dying is purely co-incidental.

Mobile phones are here to stay!

Photocredit : languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu

Yup! Mobile phones are here for eternity... For those who disagree :
Here are a few situations where you'd have thought "what would I do without a cell phone?"

AT HOME :

1.Stand out in the balcony facing traffic and tell your annoying relatives that you're stuck in traffic and are unable to make it home for another 2 hours.
2.Silence the baby by playing funny noises on it or just lighting up the keypad.
3.Set up an alarm every 10 minutes to wake you in the morning, or your better half (if you're a heavy sleeper)
4.Call up someone you had forgotten even existed and wish him/her "Happy Bday" and brag about having a superb memory.
5.Message your mom in the kitchen that you will have dinner now, and that you prefer you vegetables stir fried.
TRANSPORT/CONVEYANCE :
1.Play annoying ringtones on your cellphone just to announce to all that you have indeed watched the latest bollywood flop or have downloaded the latest Justin Bieber album.
2.Share with everyone how you were completely exasperated over the fact that your dog pooped in the baby's crib thinking it was a litter box.. as well as the listener's horrified reaction over the speakerphone.
3.Pretend to be texting/calling someone while waiting alone to avoid people's stares.
4.If you're a low-life to show "Hey I may not get 2 meals / day but check out my new iphone!! "

Photocredit : textually.org

WORKPLACE/COLLEGE/SCHOOL :
1.Take embarrassing photos of your colleagues to be uploaded to your favourite social networking site soon after.
2.Secretly take pics of the girl you had a bigtime crush on.
3.Secretly take pics/vids of staff acting dumb. (uploaded to social networking site)
4.Use WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE (KBC) options in an exam : phone a friend, expert advice, audience vote !
5.Ask your friend who's in class to give you proxy as you are watching the latest 3D movie.


CONCERT/PUBLIC EVENTS:
Take blurry , out of focus pics to show everyone "Dude! I was there ! And I was just THIS far away from him/them!!!" Yup my friend, very far.