I could have saved him....I knew I could....
The thought lingers in my mind as i walk down the stairs of the hospital out into the rain...The monsoons can be quite unpredictable in these parts,dry for 3 to 4 days and then,raining cats and dogs...
If only I hadn't trusted the machine...if only...But it was too late...He was gone,and there was nothing else to do but inform his companions regarding his demise...
The Intensive Care Unit was always going to be a challenge...Especially since it was my first time being posted as an intern there...I had already managed to charm the nurses with my mischievous smile and talkative nature...and the post graduates had taken a liking to me...perhaps it was because of my skill at handling situations or maybe it was for the ease with which they could dump the entire workload on my shoulders...which makes me something of a modern-day "Atlas" - the giant who once bore the entire heavens on his shoulder as a punishment meted out to him by the other gods.
Anyway,coming to the point...my routine involves an energy draining 12hr stay at the desk,filling up case summaries,examining and monitoring all those admitted in the ward...Yes,quite monotonous isnt it?But all that changed that fateful day when Mr.x was admitted following a heart attack...A frail creature,Mr.x fit the typical characteristics of an MI patient.(for those non-medical folks,MI stands for Myocardial infarction,a condition where inadequate oxygen reaches the heart muscle).So,as per the protocol,we hooked him to an oximeter,a device supposed to save patients' lives by monitoring his pulse,blood oxygen and blood pressure . So,this device had become an inseparable friend,who let us know if anything was wrong,except for that fateful day . Readings showed his pulse was a bit low,with normal blood pressure..nothing alarming about that...So we decided to give mr.x a drip and infusion of a few drugs along with oxygen.
I then continued my rounds,monitoring the rest of the patients...one,a delerious case with cerebral malaria,another a case of renal failure,another case of stroke...whew!time for a break!i went back to the station and started completing the monitor sheets of my patients...nw it was time 4 a routine assessment of Mr.x whose relatives,by this time were waiting to shift him to our main hospital branch where he would be given better care...I checked the monitors,the readings were fine,but wait!...there was no pulse!I tied a manual b.p recorder cuff...great!the monitors readings were wrong!he was in shock...I immediately called the rest of the team...by then he had no carotid pulse...'Adrenaline' came the call,and i injected the liquid...'atropine!' 'C.P.R'!...all to no avail...
We then decided to try our last effort...D.C shock...twice we tried but we realised that our efforts were in vain...his pupils were dilated...he was gone.....
It's really raining hard now and i rush to a nearby hotel for shelter and a cup of hot coffee...As i sip the steaming hot beverage i think again " I wish I could have saved him..".
We,the doctors,the messengers who stand at the gate between this world and the afterlife...It is all a part of fate really...some of them we bring back,the rest,we push them on...we are,after all,just mere servants of the grim reaper..
NICE!!!
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